After the Fall
by writerDi
Summary: Things have mellowed for our favorite couple. Christian has mistaken that feeling, he makes a selfish and life altering decision. He cheats. How will they cope with this unforeseen event? Can Ana & Christian find their way back to the love they use to have, the love that is not gone? Yes this is a *cheat fic*...more accurately it's a redemption, reconciliation fiction.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I know, I know, I know…another Christian cheats story. OMG! We are all on this fanfiction site because we love the Ana/Christian love story. So pulling them apart seems cruel and unusual. But I think we read cheat fics because we have an inner angst junkie that needs feeding. I recently read an amazing story, it hit all of my 'angst junkie' buttons, but it left me deeply unsatisfied. The story has haunted my mind and after much thought I realized my sense of resolution, redemption, and reconciliation simply had to be settled, put to rest if you will. So I set out to craft my own story that hit these pulse points for me. This is my first (and hopefully only) attempted as an author. This shit is hard. Life is all about change, and how we handle the changes. Do they make us grow or do they make us bitter? I want to look into the phenomenon of cheating, the damage and emotional toll it takes, if repair is possible, and what it takes to get there. I hope you enjoy. For those of you who don't like cheat fics I invite you not to read. For those of you who have a true and respectful critique I invite you to review or pm me. Ok, here we go…I'm diving in!**_

* * *

Backstory.

It's been three years and things have settled for our favorite couple. They have mellowed into the comfort of familiarity. Every day routine has eased the burning, fevered passion they once felt into something less encompassing and Christian has mistaken this as having fallen out of love with his wife. His sense of ennui has led him to make a selfish and life altering decision. He has cheated. Not only has he has stepped out on his marriage, but he has allowed himself to fall, in what he believes is love, with his new interest. He justifies his actions and seeks to ease his guilt by convincing himself that Ana too has fallen out of love with him.

Present Day,

3 Hours after the Confrontation

**Christian**

I sit sipping a glass of wine, contemplating the events of the day. I am a study of mixed emotions, anger, sadness, relief, confusion; chief among these is confusion. I genuinely still love Ana, I just don't know where my hunger for her has gone. I'm a man of particular appetites, I have enjoyed unrivaled passion in my relationship with my wife over the past two years, but, what I believed could never happen has happened. That all consuming, breath hitching, needy passion has deserted us. All my attempts to reconnect have gone unreciprocated. Ana had little notice of my growing displeasure, seeming to prefer her professional, social, and motherly duties to her wifely ones. I feel we are slightly more than roommates who fuck occasionally.

Such are my reflections I don't notice that Paige has slid in next to me on the couch.

"Christian, I just don't understand why your brooding. You shouldn't be upset. This is what we both wanted. It's done and now we can move forward."

"Paige, how can you say that? I've destroyed my wife, the mother of my child. She's in pain because of me. I didn't expect that. I...I thought she didn't love me. I didn't expect the reaction I got from her. I hate that I've hurt her."

"Oh come on Christian. You hate that you've hurt her? Really? You've been lying to her for months, sneaking around to be with me. I satisfied your needs when she couldn't and I know you enjoyed every minute of it. Now you feel guilty when we can finally be together in public?"

"That's enough, Paige!"

"Christian, I'm just stating the facts. I'm sure that Ana is still very much in love with you, but she made a critical error. She's a mother and a career woman with social and charitable obligations. She made the mistake of putting those things before you and I filled that void. Surely you can see that, baby."

"Paige, don't insult her. She's a wonderful woman and she doesn't deserve that. I love her, but...I don't know. I thought she fell out of love with me..."

"Fine. I won't insult her, but you love me now. Come on baby, we can finally be free, be together." She started kissing my neck and rubbing me, making me forget, if only for a while that I destroyed the woman who taught me how to love, who brought me out of my darkness.

I have grown tired of this conversation. I am irritated with her; she's slightly flippant and her falsely magnanimous air is serving to bristle my nerves. She can't really be understanding of Ana's pain, as she's on the right side of my attention and affection.

I let my gaze grow dark, and obviously carnal. "Your smart mouth and unsolicited candor has earned you a fuck in my playroom….15 minutes. You know how I like it. Move." I growl.

Once she's disappeared into the bedroom I move to the bar and down a scotch.

This session will be intense; I need to blow off a lot of steam.

* * *

5 Hours after confrontation.

**Ana**

I lay in the bed in my suite at the Fairmont staring at the ceiling wondering 'what the hell just happened'. This has to be a nightmare, I'll wake up and Christian will be beside me softly snoring, who am I kidding, my life just imploded, and I should have seen it coming. But I didn't. Time to stop fooling myself, this is what I always feared. I knew from the very beginning, from that knee-jerk proposal on the floor at Escala, that I could never hold him. I allowed myself to be lulled, tricked into a false sense of security with the poster child of fucked up, self-centered, an emotionally bankrupt assholes.

Ok, I can't cry anymore, and I'm tired of wringing myself out.

Elliot had to physically restrain Kate when they arrived at the suite, as she was ready to storm Escala and whip some ass. I love her. Elliot was not far behind her. He didn't want his wife going over there getting into an altercation, though he was not opposed to it for himself. I had to literally plead with them both to calm down. I was thankful when Taylor arrived and agreed that that wasn't the best course of action. Elliot cursed a blue streak and said he wouldn't be told when he could give his little brother a well deserved ass kicking. Taylor and Elliot had a brief but intense conversation and Elliot backed down and agreed to Taylor's wishes. Taylor came over and said he just wanted to check that I was ok and getting settled, said he needed to be on his way home to Mrs. Taylor. I'm overwhelmed by the events of the day; I lay here alternating between numb senses, and excruciating pain. I hope sleep finds me soon, as I would like to escape to a sweet, dreamless slumber.

* * *

_**Thank you to fungirlygirl, you are the bomb diggity, your rendition of the conversation was better than what I originally wrote. Your contribution is priceless.**_

_**There has been a hub bub surrounding this posting. I apologize for my part in that. I have taken steps to correct that so that you can continue to enjoy this story without any reservation.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own these charaters, they belong to E. L. James. I just reserve the right to torture them for my own depraved pleasure and yours**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: It seems my little story has caused a dust up, some comparisons. I cannot, nor, would I deny having read Happy Cups amazing work. As I have read the work of WordRunner, Riottori, SusieCC, and Nuwriter, all who take a stab how Ana & Christian handle infidelity, the diminishing of love and trust, insecurities, and old demons. Undoubtedly '…Loneliness' was my impetus to pen my own story, as I could not find the resolution I found in the other stories I've read. In terms of FSL I am ravenous to read what Happy Cup has when she is able to return to her story. Our work is separate. I had written the first chapter of a 'Christian cheats fic' before I ever read '…Loneliness' (a FF author has it and has read it, and if she cares to come forward to confirm what I am saying that will be up to her, as I would not want to bring drama to her FF experience). The theme of stagnated marriages is a universal one, one reviewer termed the '7 year itch,' and not the idea or domain of any one author. I will double down on my attempts to steer away from Happy Cups story. But our characters are not the same, their dispositions are not the same, and the scenes are of my making. Alright, I am now tired of talking about this…lets run these two through the emotional wringer, shall we.**_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Backstory

It had been a series of unfortunate events that led to the brutal showdown.

A new sales associate with Nieman's mistakenly sent a pricey new wardrobe to Christian Grey's home rather than his Escala penthouse per his instructions. Ana was surprised and delighted that he would surprise her with these new clothes and wondered what he had planned. He hadn't done anything like this since he showered her with a new maternity wardrobe. She was perplexed though, all of the clothing was for a much taller build. Christian knew her dimension perfectly. The items were too young and trendy for Grace, maybe he was spoiling Mia, yes, that must it. The truth would hit her like a wrecking ball, spinning her world on its axis, changing her life forever.

Day after the fall

**Christian**

Taylor is particularly stoic this morning, cold, a little hostile even. He has been privy to all my comings and goings over the past several months and I'm sure he highly disapproves; but I could give a fuck what he approves or disapproves. He has proven he is a consummate professional, minding his business and performing his duties without emotion or judgement. _There is a subconscious tapping on my shoulder._

I step out of the elevator with Taylor on my heels.

"Five minutes Andrea," I bark in her direction, "I need to speak with Taylor before we go over my schedule for today." Taylor shuts the door behind him.

"Sir."

"Have you heard from Sawyer? Did Ana get settled at the Fairmont last night?"

"Yes Sir, though she refused Sawyer's attempts to drive her. She insisted on driving herself. Stating that he was under your employ and that she would not be Mrs. Grey much longer and she should get use to doing these things for herself again."

"Why am I just now finding this out." I growl through gritted teeth.

"When Sawyer gave me his report you were…occupied." He deadpans.

I narrow my eyes at him.

"After your dinner with Miss Dennison you gave me the rest of the night off. I went by the hotel to check on _Mrs._ Grey on my way home."

Did he just emphasize the Mrs.

"And?"

"And Sir?"

"How was she Taylor?" I snap. "Why do I feel like I'm pulling your teeth?"

"She made it there and was getting herself and Teddy settled."

I sigh and try to diffuse the tension growing in the room.

"I want to know how she was Taylor." I try and soften my voice and expression.

A brief glint of anger passes through his eyes; his fists are clenched at his side. He doesn't want to tell me, betray her trust. I don't give a shit, I want to know. We wait each other out.

"She was…distraught Sir, tearful and trembling. Kate was holding her, comforting her. She and I had to dissuade Mr. Grey from coming to pay you a visit." There's that glint again.

I raise an eyebrow.

"Is that right, Elliot wanted to come see me." He doesn't reply.

I am a shit, a real bastard. Is that really my first concern after hearing of my wife's distress? Truth be told I really don't want to explore my feelings about Ana's reaction to the hurt I have caused her. _What have I done?_ Shit, where did that come from?

"Thank you, Taylor. I will speak with Mrs. Grey regarding security." I say pushing my misgivings to the back of my mind.

His whole body tenses and he's rooted to his spot. I walk to my desk and sit.

"Taylor, you're dismissed."

He doesn't move.

"Sir, Permission to speak freely?"

"Speak Taylor, but be very careful." I'm not in the mood for bullshit.

"Mrs. Grey is having a difficult time, yesterday was brutal for her, as I hope you can appreciate, can you give her some time to adjust before…."

"That's enough Taylor." I'm standing again. "I know that you and Mrs. Taylor care deeply for Ana, so I'll give you that one, but don't you ever presume to tell me how to handle my wife. Are we clear?"

"Crystal, Sir."

"Good. Now you're dismissed." I stand there feeling like I've been kicked in the gut. I run both hands through my hair and add. "Taylor." He stops just before the door. "Thanks for checking on her last night, I appreciate it." He proceeds out the door without acknowledging my last statement.

"ANDREA!" I shout through the open door.

I turn on my computer and pull up the live feed to Ana's office. She's not in her office but her briefcase is beside her chair. She is a dedicated employee, no matter what is going on in her personal life she will not miss work. _That was part of the problem, right Grey. _

The office camera is a remnant of my control freakery, overbearing stalker tendencies, as Anastasia put it during her pregnancy. When she developed high blood pressure I wanted a way to keep an eye on her. After a week of fighting about it she reluctantly gave into my wishes, and I had a camera installed in her office. I have not used it since that time, but I have an overwhelming need to see her right now.

The rest of the day passes with the usual trials and crisis. I feel unsettled, antsy. I can't get a hold of my nerves. Paige sends me a couple of cheeky emails but I can't really rise to the occasion, I'm in a mood.

In the middle of Paige and my email banter I receive an email from Anastasia.

I pull up the live feed as I read her message. There she is. I zoom in. Shit. Her eyes are red rimmed and lifeless, she looks washed out and tired.

* * *

From: Anastasia Grey

To: Christian Grey

Re: Representation, Four week notice.

Date: June 5, 2014 15:53

Christian, I have retained counsel and would like to know when you will be able to have a meeting to iron out the details of custody and visitation. I would like for this to happen sooner rather than later.

I have given my notice to Ann and will be leaving Grey Publishing after four weeks.

Anastasia Grey, Lead Editor, Creative Development, Grey Publishing

* * *

Fuck. I didn't see that coming.

* * *

From: Christian Grey

To: Anastasia Grey

Re: Representation & what...?

Date: June 5, 2014 15:57

Dear Ana,

Give me a date and time and I will move my schedule to accommodate you.

Why are you leaving your job? Are we going to have to have another discussion about the necessity of security? Your safety is still the most important thing to me.

Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings

* * *

I watch as she reads my email, wipes her eyes and begins to compose her answer.

* * *

From: Anastasia Grey

To: Christian Grey

Re: Representation & what…are you confused by?

Date: June 5, 2014 16:02

I will get back with you when I have a date for the meeting.

I was uncomfortable being your employee when you were my husband, I have absolutely no interest in working for my ex-husband.

No we do not have to have a discussion about security as I will not be tolerating any, my safety is no longer your concern, do what you need to for Teddy, but I will not be accepting your controlling tendencies any longer. Every cloud has its silver lining.

Anastasia Grey, Lead Editor, Creative Development, Grey Publishing

* * *

As I watch the feed she puts her head in her hands and her shoulders begin to shake. Fuck.

* * *

From: Christian Grey

To: Anastasia Grey

Re: Smart Mouths

Date: June 5, 2014 16:08

Always with the smart-mouth, your safety will always be my concern, not just Teddy's. Ana, Baby, please don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry. Though I know I am the reason for your tears, I hate to see you hurting. Just know everything will be alright, it will all work out for the best.

Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings

* * *

She stiffens, looks up at the camera and places the phone on her desk, turns and grabs her jacket and briefcase and leaves her office shutting the door behind her.

* * *

**Ana**

A new day dawns, and what a difference a day makes. A clerical error has put my world in a tailspin. Fate has stepped in to give me a clue. I feel the bite of tears at the back of my throat and decide this line of thinking is getting me nowhere. I need to get up, get my son fed, and get myself to work. I have a lot to do today. I have to organize a place for me and Teddy to live, give my notice to Ann, and find a lawyer to handle negotiations for custody and visitation and...divorce. Divorce. Damn.

I make my way out of the bedroom to a knocking at the door, and am astounded to find Gail standing there smiling.

"Gail, what are you doing here?"

"Taylor and I discussed it, we knew that you probably wouldn't have organized care for Teddy yet, and that you hate to miss work, and there is nothing for me to do at….the house….if you and Teddy aren't there, so I thought why can't I just perform my duties over here…" She trails off.

"Mrs. Taylor, you are quite simply the best." I walk over and wrap her in a long hug.

"Ana we are all here to support you, care for you."

I shake my head, letting her know I'm not able to talk about this right now. She quickly moves on.

"Where's my Teddy Bear?"

"He's still conked out."

"Ok, why don't you go get ready for work, and I'll listen out for Teddy."

I eye her, I want to ask her if she knew, but that will make for one uncomfortable conversation.

"Ana? She reaches out to stroke my arm. I think she knows what I am thinking. I can't meet her eyes.

"Did you know...does everybody?" I croak out. Her expression a mixture of sadness and shame.

"Yes Ana, I am so sorry, I've known for about a month and a half, I can't say how long Taylor or Sawyer have known." She stops to gaze at me a long moment letting me absorb her words.

"I feel a deep sense of shame, but I really didn't know how to tell you." I just nod. I guess what she's not saying is she didn't know how to tell me without losing her livelihood. He has put us all in such terrible positions with his unbelievable selfishness.

"Go, get ready for work." She instructs gently.

I turn and head across the suite back to the bedroom to get ready for my day.

Once I'm showered and dressed, I walk into the living room and see Kate playing with Teddy.

"Hey Steele."

"Kate, what, are you doing here? Here comes the China Doll treatment.

"Just thought I'd stop before heading to work, I've offered Gail the use of the house, so that Teddy isn't stuck in a hotel room all day."

Shit. I hadn't really considered that when I ran last night.

"Dada," Teddy takes the opportunity to clearly vocalize. I realize he's used to seeing Christian in the morning when he wakes. All I can do is reach over and kiss his little flapping hands.

"Yes, that's a good idea." I say to Gail once I can finally speak.

"Don't worry about a thing Ana, go do what you need to and we'll keep the rest going."

"That's right Gail, we are all here for you Steele." Kate adds with a wink.

I turn to grab my briefcase and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Shit. Shit. Shit. My briefcase and manuscripts are in my office at home.

"Gail, do you know if Sawyer is still at the house?

"Yes, I mean no dear, Sawyer is outside, he stood guard at your door last night."

"WHAT!" It rips from my throat. I walk over and snatch open the door, there stands Sawyer, hands behind his back, he doesn't look in my direction. "Sawyer, will you step in here please." He walks past me into the suite. "Why didn't you let me know you were here, there was no need for you to stand outside all night."

"He answers with a tight. "It's my job, ma'am."

Time to put your big girl panties on Steele, just go straight to your office gather what you need and get out. It will be all right.

We get ourselves together and head out of the suite. Kate and I stand as the valets go to get our cars, we watch Sawyer, Teddy, and Gail head off to the SUV.

"Hellava mess, huh? She pulls me into a hug.

I have a boulder in my stomach on the drive over. I won't go in the family room. Straight to the office and out again. It's been less than 24hrs since I was last here but the place seems foreign to me, like a place I use to know well, but haven't visited in a long time. I stop the car in my usual spot and head up the marble stairs to the front door. Entering the security code, I step through the door, peeking like a trespasser, a trespasser in my own home.

I make my way quickly to my office, gathering my things hastily, I stop to try and think if I have everything. I don't have the heart to go in the bedroom and check by bedside table, I'm just not strong enough for that. As I am leaving my office I hear the bells that signal the front gate has been opened. I panic. It can only be one person. Oh. My. God. All the blood has rushed from my head, and I am swaying on my feet. I feel like I'm going to faint. I rush to the foyer to look through the door at who may be approaching. Shit! It's him.

I actually consider hiding. No, get your shit and get out. I have about six manuscripts and my briefcase to manage. It would be better to make two trips but I don't have time for that. If he is in that SUV I want to be in my car and pulling away before he gets out. I throw the strap of my briefcase over my head and swing the bag to my back. I open the door, quickly stacking the manuscripts, I lift them into my arms and walk through the door. Hooking it with my foot I hop and try to pull it close at the same time. I can barely walk and chew gum, how did I think I was going to manage a tower of heavy manuscripts on my shaky legs. Everything including me tumble to the porch floor. _Fucking hell._ I scramble trying to gather the manuscripts and untangle myself from my briefcase. I must be a sight to whoever is watching. _Great._ I glance up to see the driver's side door open and Taylor race out in my direction. My eyes are glued to the back door dreading its opening. Taylor senses my fear and is shaking his head as he climbs the short staircase.

"I'm alone." He reassures me.

I nod because I don't trust my voice. Then it starts, first just giggles, but they give way to full, breath stealing laughter. Taylor just stares at me.

"That must….that must have been…" I try to speak over my fit of laughter. "…quite a sight, huh Jason?"

It feels good to laugh.

The usually unflappable Taylor lets a chuckle rumble his chest. " Yes, Mrs. Grey, that was quite a sight. Are you alright?"

"Yes of course," I'm still chuckling, "and Jason, you are going to have to start calling me Ana, as I won't be Mrs. Grey much longer." And the laughter is gone. All trace of humor receding rapidly from the atmosphere.

We quickly and quietly retrieve the rest of the manuscripts and he carries them to my car.

"Have a good day Jason." I squeak.

"You too,….uh, Ana." he looks so uncomfortable.

The day passes in a haze. I give my notice to my direct supervisor, who couldn't have been more blindsided. She asks the regular questions and I tell her it is for personal reasons. Kate emails me a short, but elite list of family law attorneys. All three are eager to handle my case, I make my choice and call for an appointment. They initially want to meet with me alone and will schedule a conference with Christian and his representation for the near future. It is all so depressing. I know I have to make contact with Christian and the thought has a butterfly farm erupting in my stomach. After a short and weird series of emails that remind me what a control freak my wayward husband is, I am sufficiently creeped out and call an official end to a truly awful day.


	3. AN: Into the Fray

**Chapter 3**

**A/N: Everyone who writes fanfiction is continuing, tweaking, and expanding characters they did not originate. On the FSOG Trilogy site we all suckle from the teet of E.L. James' canon work. Righteous indignation has no place here. Have you asked for Ms. James' permission to put her characters in situations of your making? Your expectation of a different consideration than you afford the the copy written (PAID) author smacks of entitlement and self importance. All over this fandom writers take excerpts from the original books, word for word, as the back drop they use to initiate their vision of the characters, ie:**

**Ana losing her virginity scene…**

**The belt scene and when she leaves…**

**The Jack Hyde attack…**

**This is some kind of crazy ass double standard. **

**To: Happy Cup, you and I have both admitted to conversations of your work. What you are not conveying is that I told you our works are not going in the same direction. You messaged me and said that you wanted me to make sure readers knew our work was separate…and wished me luck, for Christ sake. You went further after more discussion, when I told you I planned to write a spicier Ana then yours, to say be careful because there was a fine line between spicy and trashy, and that that was not your view of Ana. Newsflash, I am not writing your view of Ana. You and your clucking clutch of Facebook chickens need to dismount that high horse…climb the fuck off the soap box.**

**I am no shrinking violet. When pushed I push back. There is room for all of our views of Ana & Christian in the world of fan fiction. This is obviously a complicated and thorny issue, and there seems to be two schools of thought. One is 'How dare you' the other is 'Pot, kettle, black'. I obviously rock a 'Pot, kettle, black' t-shirt. And furthermore, I'm not writing this to become the popular girl at school, I seriously have to get these people out of my head.**

To those who enjoy reading this work, I regretfully apologize that I don't yet have Chapter 3 complete and ready for your enjoyment. As, I hope you can imagine, I've been a bit distracted, and had a family event, where there was even more drama. It's coming.

It's here.

* * *

Backstory

After an excruciating day of mergers and acquisitions Christian was about to have an equally excruciating night. He gets home looking forward to little more than a cool glass of wine, a delicious dinner, and a relaxing evening at home. He'll get none.

Day of the Fall

**Christian**

I walk through the front door of my beautiful home, the smell of some beef dish and Mrs. Taylor's amazing yeast rolls wafting in the air. I drop my briefcase in the foyer and loosen my tie as I head in the direction of the kitchen for a glass of wine. Ana is there chatting with Gail, she sees me and smiles. Sliding up to me she stands on tippy toes and wraps her arms around my neck. This is the first true welcome home I've felt from her in a long time. She pulls my head down and places a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Hey." She whispers into my lips.

"Hey." I whisper back against her lips, I'm smiling, bewildered as to what brought this on.

Grabbing my hand she pulls me in the direction of the family room, talking as we go, "I don't know if I should thank you as….." her voice drifts to the background. I stand stock still, locked, in frozen horror at the sight before me. Laid out on the couches and hanging from a Nieman's delivery rack is the designer wardrobe I purchased for Paige.

"Christian? Are you over indulging Mia again?

I don't know how much time has lapsed until my attention is drawn back into the room. How the fuck did this happen? Oh my god, what has happened?

"Are you listening to me, I said..."

"I heard what you said," Irritation, anger, and fear course through my blood making my tone edgy.

I lead her to the overstuffed, tufted ottoman.

She thinks they're for Mia. Do I keep up the lie, sweep this shit out of here and let her think it was for Mia. No, when she spoke with Mia it would all backfire in my face and be a thousand times worse, if that's possible, than it is now.

I hesitate, "No they are not for Mia." I have her full attention."

She is sitting on the ottoman, one leg crossed at the knee, foot swing gently. Her arms are behind her bracing her weight, eyeing me. Her eyebrows raised like 'go on' giving me permission to continue. She looks totally open, so unaware of the freight train coming.

Today is the day of reckoning. I must come clean. How do I do this? How can I do this? Why did I do this? I don't have answers. I inhale a deep breath and say the words that will destroy my wife and marriage, changing our lives forever.

"Ana, I've met someone…someone who has become very…special to me." Her face is awash in confusion, like she doesn't understand the words I'm speaking. She bolts to her feet, retreating to the opposite side of the room from me. She's standing in front of the fireplace, arms wrapped around her waist, hugging herself, holding herself together. "I'm so sorr…."

"A sub?" Her face crinkles, the soft 'v' forming between her eyes, as her head cocks slightly. Her eyes searching mine intently.

She blows a puff of air, her face falling further. "You're not very original are you, this is your regular MO…the car too?" her eyes glisten with unshed tears. "the Christian Grey 'your mine special.'

I stare mutely.

"Is she your SUB-MISSIVE Christian?" She bites through gritted teeth, a gasp, as realization dawns. "Or is she… more…..?"

Her voice is not much above a whisper, but filled with so much emotion.

"Are you in-love with her?" The tears finally fall.

Dear God I didn't imagine it would be this hard. She hasn't been this demonstrative, passionate, or interested in me in many, many months.

"Yes." It's barely a breath but it resounds around the room.

She heads for the entrance to the family room. "Ana, where are you going?"

"Anywhere you're not." She doesn't stop moving. I catch her hand at the bottom of the staircase. She jerks from my grasp, spins and slaps me, hard, across the face.

"Don't ever put your hands on me again." She hisses, glaring at me, her eyes dance with fury. With her on the second step we are standing eye-to-eye. I see a flash of fear then total and utter devastation.

"I'm going to pack a bag for Teddy; we're going to the Fairmont until I make other arrangements." She resumes her climb up the stairs.

I buzz Taylor and instruct him and Sawyer to get the clothes packed up and loaded in the SUV, and be ready to leave in 30 minutes, while rubbing my still stinging cheek.

I enter our bedroom, stop and look around. _Shit, what have I done? _ Going in the en suite I gather my shaving kit and assorted toiletries; back in the bedroom I gather other objects for several days away. Get a couple of suits from the closet, I pack everything up and head out. I have to let Ana know she doesn't have to leave, I will go. I will stay at Escala. I make my way to Ted's room. My limbs feel heavy and slow. As I open Teddy's bedroom door I see her, she is sitting on the side of Teddy's bed holding him in her lap.

"Go to daddy." She utters softly in his ear.

He runs to me on fat little legs. I bend to one knee to scoop him into my embrace. "Hi Buddy."

"Dada." He is smacking both sides of my cheeks.

I'm trying to smile for him but my facial muscles are stiff, wooden. "Daddy has to go away for a while but I will see you real soon." My voice is steadier than I thought possible. "Take care of mommy, ok?" I am kissing his face and pull him to me in a close tight hug. I look over his shoulder at Ana. She is not looking at me at first, then her eyes raise and she pins me with a watery blue gaze.

"Bye little man." I set him on his feet and he runs back to Ana.

"Ana, you don't have to leave, I've packed some things and I'll stay at the penthouse."

"Okay, but I'm not staying here."

"Ana, please, this is your house…."

"No Christian, this was our home," Her eyes awash with tears, but her voice is clear and strong, "I don't think I can live with the ghosts."

I close the door softly as I leave and hear the lone sob escape her. My steps falter as I head for the stairs.

* * *

**Ana**

"Gail what smells so good." I yell from the foyer. First thing to come off are these ridiculously high peep toe pumps. A man must have invented high heels. I pad into the kitchen in my stocking feet. "I smell yeast rolls, and, and beef stew." Mmmm I can't wait for dinner.

"Teddy isn't still napping is he?"

"No, Sophie has taken him to the apartment, to get art supplies, so they can draw." Gail smiles, "She's really good with him."

"Oh, Sophie's here, did school let out for the summer already? What grade is she in now? How old is she?

Gail turns to me with the quizzical, slightly amused expression on her face. "Yes, she's here for the evening, no, school doesn't end until the end of the week, she's in the 5th grade, and she's 10 going on 11. Would you like a glass of wine, Mia.

Mia?…then it dawns, "Oh, my rapid fire inquisition." I smile and shake my head. "I'm going to get out of my work clothes, I'll be back down in 10, I'll help you with the finishing touches."

"By the way, there's a very big delivery from Neiman Marcus in the family room."

I detour to the family room on my way upstairs. Holy Hell, he must have bought out half the store. That man has more money than sense. I'll check it out once I get changed; hope it wasn't supposed to be a surprise.

I check on Sophie and Teddy, pose for a crayon portrait then head down stairs. Once back in the family room I start looking through the racks. Wow, he's gone all out. The designers, Michael Kors, Stella McCartney, Herve Leger, Marc Jacobs, on and on and on; I start to pull the items from their hangers and notice that they are for a taller build then mine. Is he spoiling Mia, again? They can't be for Grace as they are much too young and edgy. I stop unpacking the clothes.

While chatting with Gail in the kitchen we hear the chimes that let us know the gate has been opened. I plan on having a little fun teasing Christian about being so over indulgent with his sister.

When he finally enters the kitchen I pull him into a sexy kiss, speaking into his mouth, I pull him in the direction of the family room, feeling freer with him than I have in a long time. As we enter the family room I feel a tug, he has stopped, stark still and is looking at the items decorating the family room in abject horror.

"Christian? Are you over indulging Mia again?

He stands there staring, mutely. What in the world is his problem?

"Are you listening to me, I said….."

Before I know it he is ushering me to the ottoman, and sitting me down.

"I heard what you said." He's gruff. There's a beat and he seems to be weighing his thoughts. "No, they are not for Mia." The next words out of his mouth turn my world upside down, change me irrevocably, despair is eating me inside out, damaging my soul. I realize I am on the other side of the room, hugging myself trying not to fly apart. My heart is trying to beat out of my chest, thundering in my throat. The sound of rushing water fills my ears. I feel sick to my stomach.

"I'm so sorry….

"A sub?" I cut him off. He just stares.

"You're not very original are you, this _is_ your regular MO…the car too, the Christian Grey 'your. mine. special.'

"Is she your SUB-MISSIVE Christian?" The truth hits me like a ton of bricks. I don't know how I speak the words. "Or is she… more…? Are you in-love with her?"

"Yes." The whispered word filters through the haze of pain and confusion.

I have to get out of here. I can't stand here listening to this another moment.

"Ana, where are you going? He shouts to halt me. I hadn't realized I'd started moving; I'm headed for the stairs.

"Anywhere you're not." I don't make it to the second step before he catches me, grabbing my hand. As I spin to toward him I let my hand raise and slap him, hard, across the face. It has a resounding sound. The shock of what I'd just done is fleeting, giving way to the myriad of other emotions flooding my system. Anger finds an outlet.

"Don't ever put your hands on me again." Shit, that was satisfying. "I'm going to pack a bag for Teddy; we're going to the Fairmont until I make other arrangements."

I wonder is Sophie still in Teddy's room? She is. "Sophie sweetie, I think Gail is looking for you." I have to get her out of here I don't want her asking questions about me packing clothes for my son.

"Come here baby boy." I kneel on the floor and take him into my arms hugging him tightly to me, a life line, and I take it. I set Teddy back to playing with his cars and trucks while I get his bag packed.

Anger, hurt, humiliation, and even fear battle for dominance of my emotions.

I finish and sit on the side of his bed sitting him on my lap. I wonder what affect all of this will have on him, a broken home, shuttling back and forth; the thought is depressing and more than I can handle at the moment.

I hear the door open. I know it's Christian. I release Teddy from my lap and urge him toward his dad.

"Go to daddy."

He and Teddy have a father/son moment. I hear him softly talking to Teddy, but I don't know if it's for him or me.

"Daddy has to go away for a while but I will see you real soon. Take care of mommy, ok…?"

I humph to myself, your job dickhead, I guess I'll be taking care of myself from now on.

"Bye little man."

Christian catches my gaze over Teddy's tiny shoulder. Setting Teddy on his feet, my son toddles back to me.

"Ana, you don't have to leave, I've packed some things and I'll stay at the penthouse."

"Okay, but I'm not staying here."

"Ana, please, this is your house…."

"No Christian, this was _our home_," My tone sad. "I don't think I can live with the ghosts."

He simply lowers his eyes to the floor turns and heads out, closing the door softly behind him.

The sob threatening me for the last several minutes finally rips from my throat.

I enter our bedroom. It smells of him. Don't dwell Ana, get packed and get out. I say to myself. I quickly pack the things I'll need, not stopping to reminisce. Once done with packing I walk over to our bed; removing my wedding band, engagement ring, and charm bracelet, I leave them sitting on his pillow, take my sons hand and walk out.

Gail is standing with Teddy's little suitcase in hand. I am surprised to see her but say nothing. I hold Teddy's hand as we descend the stairs. Sawyer takes the bags at the bottom of the steps.

"Please put them in my Saab Sawyer." He looks perplexed. "Sawyer."

"Mr. Grey instructed me to see you and Teddy to the Fairmont." He states uncomfortably.

"Hmmm, I'm sure he did, but I'll be driving myself, from now on. Thank you Sawyer." He turns without anymore fight and puts our bags in my car.

I don't look back as I pull away, that would be disastrous. Instead I think, isn't it ironic that he is one of the richest men in the world, but so morally and emotionally bankrupt.

* * *

**A big thank you, to FiftyShadesofJess, and Fungirlygirl, your help has been invaluable.**

**Thank you, to all the warrior women who have expressed their support in either reviews or pm's, your words have buoyed me.**

**I don't own these characters they belong to E. L. James.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Backstory

Things have gone from bad to horrendous. The backlash is harsher than Christian expected. His self induced delusion of his wife falling out-of-love with him is challenged by Ana's reaction to the discovery of his secret life. All that he has lost for what little he has gained he will soon find to be too bitter a pill to swallow.

* * *

Day after the fall

**Christian**

The work day done, I fall back into my office chair pinching the bridge of my nose, and let my thoughts come unbidden to my mind.

"No Christian, this was our home….I don't think I can live with the ghosts." The lament is playing in my head on an endless loop. How did this happen? We were supposed to be happy forever more, isn't that how the fucking fairytale goes. There weren't two people who loved each other more than Ana and I. My heart is caught in a vise. I've been staring at the pictures of Ana and Teddy that I keep on my desk, happier times. The gallery pictures that Jose took of Ana have been catching me off guard all day.

I want to turn back time, I want to go back three months, fourteen weeks to be precise and make it so this never happened. I let my thoughts drift to that fateful day.

_The Georgian is the Fairmont Olympic's five-star, award winning French restaurant. I've wanted to have a business reception here for quite some time. Closing the deal with Innovative Solutions , the French engineering firm that will handle the design, development and manufacturing of our Clean & Green Energy initiative in Europe, offered just such an opportunity. I have been there several times, it is beautifully appointed. It speaks of success, drips in luxury, and I want to impress._

_I notice her watching me, one of three hostesses assigned to our reception, the only brunette. She's gorgeous. A mass of mahogany brown hair pulled into a messy bun, light brown, amber colored eyes, taller than I usually like, but a killer body, nevertheless, toned, athletic. Every time our eyes meet sparks fly and I feel a pull in my dick. The evening was proving to be rather entertaining, unexpectedly diverting. This game is serving to enliven my senses. I am hyper aware of everything in the room, sounds, smells, voices…her. I feel like I'm on top of my game, sharp, clear, in control and I'm loving it. She's not the first woman to come on to me, but she_ _is_ _the first woman since meeting and marrying Ana that has affected me this way. I must admit I am disconcerted, but intrigued at the same time._

_Anastasia arrives thirty minutes late, and I am relieved once she arrives, forcing me to put an end to my ridiculously inappropriate behavior. I will no longer let the eye fucking game continue. I don't allow her to catch my gaze for the remainder of the reception. The evening winds down and as we are all preparing to leave, saying our good to meet you, and goodbyes, the pretty hostess approaches me with business card in hand. _

"_Mr. Grey, I'd like to tell you what an honor it is that you chose the Georgian to host your reception, and to give you my card as a direct contact for any future affairs." Her choice of words in not lost on me._

"_Thank you, Miss….?" I remember her name, Paige, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction, besides I want her full name, so I tilt my head forward, a gesture for her to fill in the blank._

"_Dennison, Paige Dennison." She says looking me directly in the eye, a glint of amusement and mischief shining there._

"_Well, Miss Dennison, my PA has all of your details." I turn without taking her card and reach for Anastasia placing my hand at the small of her back to guide her from the restaurant. I catch her staring after us, a slow smirk developing on her lips._

_It's two days after the reception, late in the day. Andrea buzzes to let me know my last appointment has arrived._

"_Who is it Andrea, my calendar doesn't show anymore appointments for today." I'm annoyed._

"_It's Miss Dennison from the Georgian, she called this morning, and she says she has something to return to you. Have you updated your calendar, I added this appointment just before lunch."_

_I don't hear anything else she says after Miss Dennison from the Georgian. "Fine, see her in." I click to update my calendar and sure enough, there is, Miss Dennison, in the 5: oo pm slot. _

_I am coming around my desk as Andrea shows her into my office. _

"_Miss Dennison, a pleasure to see you again." I extend my hand in the direction of the leather seating group. "How may I help you?"_

"_Thank you, the pleasure is mine." She smiles._

"_Please, have a seat." I smile back. "Now what brought you here today?"_

_Her expression changes subtly, as if to say 'Are you kidding me?' I just gaze back impassively, saying nothing._

"_Yes, well, I found this bracelet," she digs in her purse, "in the vicinity where your wife was seated. I thought maybe she lost it."_

_I reach for the trinket, my eyes never leaving hers; she places it in my hand. I examine the bracelet. I immediately know it is not Ana's. It is not of the quality that I would buy nor that Ana has come to appreciate. Shaking my head I say to her that it is not my wife's. I hold the bracelet out to her in the flat of my palm. As she takes the bracelet she deliberately strokes the palm of my hand. We stare at each other a long moment._

"_Well I'll just turn it in to lost & found hopefully the owner will come looking for it. Thank you for giving me your time. As I said before we were happy to have you and would love to satisfy your needs in the future…."_

"_We…?" I interrupt._

"_The Georgian," she rises to leave. I rise with her._

"_Ah, your attention to detail is first rate." Let's keep this little veiled conversation going. "If you have a moment I'm just preparing to leave, I'll ride down with you."_

_She nods. I cross to my desk and begin to pack my briefcase and straighten my desk. Paige takes a self guided tour around my office. _

"_These are stunning," she is standing in front of the pictures Jose took and featured in his gallery debut. "Whoever took them captured her beautifully."_

"_I couldn't agree more." I have moved to stand directly behind her. She stiffens perceptibly, but doesn't turn._

"_In this one she's scowling, but it's playfully, she not really mad at the photographer, is she?"_

_With all this thinly veiled flirting going on I'm not prepared to stand here and discuss the nature of Ana's essence with her, there's something a little twisted about that._

"_Come, I'm ready to leave." I shrug on my suit coat, grab my briefcase and over coat and open the door for Miss Dennison._

_Once in the reception area we stop at Andrea's desk and I ask her if she had a coat. Andrea goes to retrieve her coat from the closet._

"_I'm done for the day, any emergencies I have my cell." My usual goodnight to Andrea, she hands Paige her red wool pea coat. We enter the elevator; I tap in the code that allows us an express trip to the lobby floor. The doors open and I am careful to avoid any physical contact. Out on the sidewalk I reiterate what a pleasure it was to see her again, and bid her a good evening. I have decided I will send a bouquet of flowers with a note saying how impressed I was with her conscientious efforts. I am knowingly extending our contact. _

I run both hands through my hair, tugging in total exasperation. I've destroyed my marriage, there's no walking this back, is there? _Where was all that precious self control when you needed it most, or is it only reserved for your sick delights?_

Flynn, I need a session with the good doctor.

I hit the intercom. "Andrea, call Dr. Flynn, see what he has available for tomorrow, then you're free to leave."

I reach for the phone to call my dad. "Dad, good afternoon…I was wondering if you and mom are going to be in this evening…I have something I want to discuss with you…no, no, I'll tell you when I get there…no, Ana is not coming with me…ok, what time are you expecting Mom…I'm coming straight from the office…I doubt I'll be staying for dinner…alright, I'll see you in an hour." To say that I am dreading this conversation is the understatement of the century."

From: Christian Grey

To: Paige Dennison

Re: Late

Date: June 5, 2014 17:23

Something has come up and I won't get back to the penthouse until later. Stay at your apartment until I call you.

* * *

From: Paige Dennison

To: Christian Grey

Re: What's up?

Date: June 5, 2014 17:28

What's come up? I certainly hope Anastasia isn't manufacturing emergencies to see you.

* * *

From: Christian Grey

To: Paige Dennison

Re: Overstepping

Date: June 5, 2014 17:30

That is none of your concern. But so that we are clear, I will need to see Ana as we share a son, a home, a company, and family. I will not tolerate hissy fits, or jealous tirades. You knew what you were getting involved in when this started, you weren't complaining then. I'll call you once I get to Escala.

* * *

I walk to my office bar and slam two fingers of bourbon.

**One hour later...at Bellevue**

Taylor pulls into my parent's driveway. I sit there an extra few minutes after he has parked. I feel as if I'm going to my hanging. I'm nervous; no, I'm scared, this will be awful. I scrub my face with my hands, let's get this over with.

Upon entering the house my dad offers me a drink which I readily accept. He informs me that my mom will be down momentarily.

"What's going on Christian, you look…a little haggard."

If you only knew, "I'll wait for mom to get here I don't want to have to repeat this." He eyes me warily. Grace enters just moments later.

"Hi darling," she kisses me on both cheeks.

"Hi, Mom."

"What's going on, what's this announcement?"

"I have something to tell you, and it's going to be hard to hear." That got their attention. They exchange a look, and both take a seat on the couch. I take my seat on the adjacent chair. Staring into my now empty bourbon glass, I take a deep breath and speak.

"I have fucked up, badly," They both just stare.

"Ana and I are separating," Just say it damn it. "I've met someone, and I've been having an affair for the last three and a half months." I stop talking to let the words sink in.

My mother gasps and her hand flies to cover her mouth. "Christian, NO!" My dad pinches the bridge of his nose, closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly.

A parade of emotions march across Grace's face, the disappointment in her expression constricts my heart. I can't look her in the eye, I drop mine to my shoes. I feel like an 8th grader getting scolded for writing something nasty on the bathroom wall, but the consequences are far more dire than a three day suspension. I am embarrassed, I feel ashamed.

"You're a god damn fool son."

I look up and am met with his intense glare. Where Grace wears disappointment and hurt, Carrick is full of thunder, anger.

"What is wrong with you, how could be so…" He is wrestling to find the right words, "selfish, stupid, hurtful. You said you and Ana are separating, so she obviously knows. Tell me, did you confess, or did she suffer the indignity of catching you?" Grace seems to be in a stupor.

"I can't imagine you want the blow by blow, that's not what I'm here for. I wanted you to hear it from me."

"We don't give a shit what you imagine. Do you realize what you have done, Is it over?"

I don't answer.

"Christian, we cannot condone this," Grace has come out of her trance. "Ana isn't just your wife. She is a daughter to us. After the change she brought about in you, then saving Mia, then giving us our first grandchild, she is as much a member of this family as you are. We feel that strongly about her. What if someone did this to Mia?" My parents are holding nothing back.

"Where's Ana?" Carrick asks.

"Oh God," Grace jumps from the couch. "I invited her over to talk about the ball." I too am on my feet. Grace races from the room.

"Sit down Christian." I take my seat.

"I asked you if it were over, you haven't answered me."

I shake my head no.

"So you're leaving your wife for your mistress." I flinch. "Son it will never work, your foundation is on quicksand. She knows you're an untrustworthy cheater and you know she's a…grasping, conniving, schemer."

I'm starting to get pissed.

"Look Dad, I am embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior, how I've hurt my wife. I'll tell you things have not been right between us for some time now. I don't say that as an excuse just a statement of fact. I've obviously handled things badly. I don't know what is going to happen. Ana and I haven't really talked. She left with Teddy last night, and I stayed at Escala.

"She's not answering her cell phone." Grace returns in a panic. I know that's because it's on her desk at Grey Publishing. Fuck. This is going to get uglier. And as if on cue.

"What the fuck is _he_ doing here?" There stands Elliot, Kate and….Ana.

* * *

**Thank you to fungirlygirl for keeping me on the straight and narrow, and for your suggestions and fresh ideas.**

**Thank you to FiftyShadesofJess for encouraging me to dig deeper, it has made this story so much better.**

**I do not own these characters they are the domain of E. L. James**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Narrator**

**Christian, little does he know, is about run the gauntlet of angry family members, and it's only the beginning. Ana has found her voice, and quietly but with steely resolve gives him a heartfelt and truthful, wake up call. He will be left shocked, alone, and shaken as the repercussions of his actions fall like anvils. **

Evening after the fall

**Ana**

"What the fuck is _he_ doing here!?" The animosity in Elliot's tone is almost as surprising as the sight of Christian standing there.

We all stare like deer caught in the head lights. Christian is the first to find his voice. "Ana…" He is moving rapidly toward me. Elliot moves in front of me intercepting him, each has a handful of the others shirt and a shoving match ensues.

"Let me go Elliot." Christian snarls. Elliot is growling as he maneuvers Christian farther away from me and Kate. "I said take your fucking hands off me." Christian shouts. Carrick has stepped in to separate his unruly sons. Grace is trying to herd me and Kate to move to the kitchen.

"Come on girls, let's leave this for Carrick and his sons to work out. We reluctantly allow Grace to lead us out of the family room, glancing back at our husbands engaged in this bizarre dance.

"Grace please tell me you didn't ambush me this way." I plead once in the kitchen.

"Gretchen, can we have this room please," she says to her housekeeper/cook, whom I didn't even see in my state of shock and confusion.

"No, of course not dear, I had no idea Christian had asked his dad if he could come over this evening, not until I got home from work, and I certainly had no idea he would be delivering that kind of news."

"So he's told you what he's been up to."

She nods while grasping both my hands in hers. "Ana, Sweetheart I'm so sorry." I really want everyone to stop saying that. The warmth of her hands and the sad, tender expression in her eyes are quickly becoming my undoing. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. Then the reason I'm here dawns on me.

"You wanted to talk about the ball?"

"I did, but that really is inconsequential now, isn't it?"

I shrug, "Life goes on doesn't…" Hurricane Mia takes this inopportune moment to blow into the kitchen.

"What-is going on in the family room? Elliot and Christian look like they're about to take each other's heads off; Dad is standing between them and they are huffing and puffing like two raging bulls. Hey Ana, hey Kate," she walks over to her mom and gives her a hug and kiss.

"Mia dear, I guess you'll find out soon ennn…." Grace is stopped midsentence by Christian's appearance in the doorway. Mia in her perpetual state of giddy excitement is oblivious to the somber atmosphere, and takes no notice of her mother's sudden change in demeanor.

"Ok, who's in trouble, it's Christian right, it's always Christian."

"Mia, enough…Christian, what is it?" Grace says trying to alert Mia to her brother's presence. Mia turns and looks only slightly sheepish for her childish comment.

"Hey big bro."

Christian ignores her, ignores everyone for that matter. He stalks into the kitchen, stopping in front of the massive marble island. Kate grabs my hand and positions herself to my side but slightly in front of me. She doesn't utter a word, but her body language says, 'bring it bitch, I am ready for war.' Did I mention I love her, but alas, this is my battle to fight.

"Ana, can I speak with you?"

"No Christian," He is taken aback. "Your actions have spoken loud and clear, now it's time for you to listen. Things were finally calm for us, no crazy gun toting ex's, no car chases, no insane kidnappers, no jealous pedophiles. I feel like you intentionally waited for me to let my guard down, to get comfortable in your love for me, and then you snatched the rug out from under me."

Carrick and Elliot have joined us in the kitchen.

"You demand loyalty from everyone that surrounds you, yet you had none for me. You were faithful to girls you told me meant nothing to you, but you run around behind my back, while I was taking care of our home and son. I thought I was being a good wife to you. Do you remember during the interview, when we first met? You told me that the people who knew you didn't think you had a heart…I believe you now….after our coffee date you said you weren't the man for me…I believe you now…how you always thought you were a monster…I…"

"Ana stop, please stop." The pain in his voice stops my monologue.

The room is still as a grave, no one speaks; I don't think anyone is breathing.

"I am sorry that I have caused you this hurt and pain." He is being genuine, sincere, truthful even, I'm sure he is sorry, now, but at this moment it means nothing. This can't be undone.

"Christian please, as I stand here looking at you I don't know who you are, the person standing before me," I gesture with both hands toward him as tears fall like raindrops from my eyes, "is not the man I married. And your words have no meaning." I step past him leaving him standing there with his mouth hanging open, looking like the slack jawed asshole he is.

Kate has followed me from the kitchen leaving only the nuclear Greys to deal with the aftermath.

**Grace**

I look around and realize it's just us, just my immediate family, all of us standing in stunned silence.

"Christian can you _please_ tell me how…how did this happen?" He shakes his head. At first I think he is telling me 'no' he won't tell me, but soon I understand it's a gesture of confusion. He's silently saying he doesn't know.

"I…I don't know. Things haven't been right between us for some time, it was pretty bad…I wasn't happy." He stopped for so long I thought he was finished, but he continued. "I was convinced she stopped loving me." It's a barely audible, painful confession.

"She stopped loving you." Mia spits. "Is that what you are telling yourself, is that your justification, your excuse." We are all shocked. Mia never gets angry with Christian. "Convinced by whom, that whore you're banging."

"Mia." Christian croaks out.

"Mia, that's enough." I jump in.

"No, she's right, let her speak, he needs to hear it." Elliot's anger is building again. "So you hit a rough patch and that makes it okay to step out on your wife...on your son? You've destroyed your family Christian; you've destroyed our family because you chose to think with your dick and not your brain. For a brilliant man, you sure as hell have a lot to learn about life and love. Look, I'm done with this for now, besides I need to get Ana back to the house. Mrs. Taylor has been there all day with Teddy." He glares at Christian. "Don't worry…bro…I'll make sure your wife and son are okay, since they obviously aren't your priority right now." He turns and leaves without giving Christian a chance to respond.

"Christian you know we can't support your choice." Carrick too has recovered his voice.

Choice…what choice?" Mia's head is whipping to look at each of us. "Are you choosing her over Ana?" She is nearly apoplectic. "You. Make. Me. Sick." Christian visibly winces.

"Christian, let's get back to how this happened." I try to douse the anger in the room. Maybe he can make us understand, though I highly doubt it. "Surely this...woman...knew you were married. What does that say about her?"

"Yes, she knew I was married. I...I was with Ana the first time we met."

Oh dear god, tell me he did not just say that. I did not raise him like this. What on earth has happened to my son? First, Elena Lincoln, now this, my hand flies to my forehead, and I rub.

"What in the hell do you mean you were with Ana when you met her? Son, this just keeps getting worse." Carrick is irate.

"Dad, I...she was working an event, a GEH event at the Fairmont, she, we...we were flirting before Ana got there and then she showed up at my office a couple of days later..."

"Jesus, Christian!" Mia rips into him again. "What kind of a fool are you? If that doesn't scream gold-digging whore, I don't know what does! You've just lost the best thing that ever happened to you for some cheap piece of trash. I can't believe you would do this to Ana...to Teddy. My god, Ana was right. I don't know who you are, but you are not the brother I have always idolized."

"I hope you know we won't tolerate her company, we can't, she's not welcomed here. You are our son, we will always love you, you are forever welcome here, but as I said before we simply cannot support your choice in this." Carrick reiterates.

"I think we've all had enough for tonight." I look to Christian. "Will you stay for dinner?"

"No, I think it's best for me to leave." He says stiffly.

I don't fight him. "Well, okay," I walk over and give him a hug and whisper in his ear. "I love you son, don't forget that."

"I love you too, Mom." He whispers back. "I'm sorry."

Carrick comes over and shakes his hand. "We'll talk soon," clapping him on the shoulder. When he turns to Mia she won't look at him and finally she just leaves the kitchen. The look on his face is pure torture, it's clear he had not expected this kind of backlash. I have to admit I am more than a little concerned for him. Christian has always been our problem child, so volatile, emotionally distant, and deeply insecure. Dear God, some of the battles we've had with him.

Carrick and I are alone in the kitchen, he wraps me in his arms and I sag into his embrace. "This is a shit storm." He whispers

"Carry, can we not discuss this anymore for the moment. I just want to get dinner done and process all I learned this evening, okay?"

"Absolutely," he brushes a gentle kiss across my lips. I get Gretchen and we get a simple salad and a pasta and shrimp dish on the table. After dinner and several glasses of wine, Carrick and I head off to bed.

We move around each other with the practiced ease of long standing routine. I am in the right side mirror removing my make-up, and he is at the other sink brushing his teeth.

"Carry I think we've done a real disservice to Ana and Christian."

"What do you mean?" He speaks around his toothbrush.

"I think we put a lot of pressure on them, all the talk about how she saved him. I've been thinking about it since dinner, I've thought about it before." I've stopped removing my make-up and am watching my husband. He rinses and wipes his mouth and has turned to look at me directly. "Go on."

"Well, it's a heavy responsibility to think that you are some ones savior, for lack of a better word. I know we've all said it, I know he thought it. Maybe it was all getting to be too much for Ana. You heard what he said, 'I thought she stopped loving me', think about it Carrick." I pause to let him gather his thoughts. "I saw her as saving Christian, she handled him so well, seemed to understand what he needed, and was willing to give it to him no matter what. Giving so much of herself, maybe trying to live up to every ones expectations. I think she got lost in it all, overwhelmed, unable to catch her breath, focus on her needs, on their marriage, and started to shut down. That's why he thought she stopped loving him, ugh," I sigh. "I'm not getting this across well." I stop.

"Grace stop it…I understand perfectly what you're saying." I finish removing my make-up. We walk back into our bedroom. As I am standing in front of my dresser pulling out a nightgown, Carrick slides up behind me gently rubbing my arms, kissing the back of my neck. "Come here Baby." I turn to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist and lean into his chest. Mmmm, this feels good.

"I think you need a distraction, I know I do," he smiles slyly.

"I was just going to grab a shower and wash this day away." I look up and kiss his jaw.

"Okay, but it can wait til after I get you all sweaty." He's walking me back toward the bed. "No more talk of our kids and their problems," he is pressing me tightly against him, I can feel him on my belly.

"Alright counselor, but I reserve the right to revisit this topic," and we fall onto the bed.

**Christian**

As I climb into the SUV I actually feel like I've been beaten. Perhaps I have been, perhaps I deserve to be. All I want to do is get to the penthouse, have a shower and a drink and drift off to sleep. I can feel Taylor eyeing me in the rearview mirror, but I'm not engaging him. I'm having a hard enough time not rehashing this horrible evening as it is.

We finally reach Escala and before exiting the SUV I tell Taylor he's done for the evening. He insists on coming up to check the apartment. I don't want him here, but I guess I have to let him do his job. He lets me out by the elevator and I wait for him to park and meet me. He walks up and hands me my briefcase, I hadn't realized I'd forgotten it. I'm really out of it.

"All clear Sir."

"Good, you're dismissed." I'm gruff and irritable.

"Sir, will you be okay?"

I stare for a moment. "Of course Taylor, you are done for tonight." I turn and walk to my bedroom. Stripping down, I step into a scalding shower. As I stand there I remember the first time Ana left me. It still, after all this time, is a kick in the gut. _You never learn, do you?_

Sitting in my study, fresh from the shower, I feel no better. My mind is in a whirlpool. I'm accustomed to clarity. My thoughts are never muddled. If this is what emotion does to your head, it's little wonder I only had subs before Ana. Shit. I am one fucked up bastard.

Did Andrea get an appointment with Flynn? I grab my cell and punch speed dial #3. I put the call on speaker.

"Yes, Mr. Grey."

"Did you get an appointment with Flynn?"

"I certainly did, and it is in your calendar…tomorrow at noon. He's squeezing you in during his lunch hour."

"Fine, first thing in the morning contact…uh, uh…."

"Marian."

"Yeah, Marian, find out his lunch order and have it delivered for two, to his office at noon."

"Very well, is there anything else?"

"No," I click off.

Almost immediately my cell vibrates, I have a text. Fuck, who is it.

*****_**Are you back at Escala?* PD**_

_***Yes, but I'm not fit for company.* CG**_

_***But I'm not company.* PD**_

_***Not tonight, Paige, I mean it!* CG**_

_***I know it must have been hard, I just want to make you feel better.* PD**_

_***Then respect my wish for privacy tonight.* CG**_

_***Privacy from me…* PD**_

I don't reply nor do believe for one second that she'll respect my request, so I get my elevator key and put the elevator on lock out, and grab another bourbon on my way back to my study.

Ana thinks I'm a monster. _Cuz that's the way you treated her, jackass. _Her voice never went much above a whisper but the emotion and truth of her words hit me like a wrecking ball.

"_You told me that the people who knew you didn't think you had a heart…I believe you now….after our coffee date, you said you weren't the man for me…I believe you now…how you always thought you were a monster…" I wrestle with these thoughts until the bourbon and sleep claim me._

**Paige**

Oh, I'm not letting this stand. He is not going to shut me out. I will not let _Miss Steele_ get her hooks back in my man. I grab my purse and keys and head for Escala.

I march past the desk, and hit the call button for the elevator. The button lights but the elevator never opens. I press it a few more times in impatient rapid succession. Nothing. Back at the desk I ask the attendant if there is something wrong with the penthouse elevator. He checks his screen and informs me the penthouse elevator has been put in 'lock out' mode by the penthouse occupant.

The rage I am feeling must transmit in my expression as the attendant takes a step back. Fine, I'll sit my ass right in this lobby til daylight. Don't fuck with _me,_ Christian.

* * *

**Big thank you to fungirlygirl, for your editing and your contribution of Elliot and Mia's rants, it added just the right umph, it's nice that we are simpatico in our view.**

**No being nice to dirty home wrecking whores, or cheating bastards. (Is that appropriate for notes, sorry)**

**Hey Chica, hope you are having an amazing time in Spain.**

**As always, I do not own these characters, they are the domain of E. L. James**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Friday after the fall

**Taylor**

Look what we have here, I think to myself as I take in the sight of a sleeping Paige on one of the lobby's lounge chairs. I tap the chair with my boot. She slowly rouses to wakefulness. With the angle her body settled into she must be stiff and sore. Good.

"Miss Dennison," I drawl. She searches groggily for where the voice is coming from. "Miss Dennison," I patiently try again. Finally her gaze focuses on my face.

"Taylor?" She blinks against the sunlight.

"May I ask, what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for Christian," her throat thick with sleep, her tone annoyed.

"It's my understanding he wished for some privacy last evening."

"Well it's morning now and I want to see him."

"That's going to be impossible, he's already at the office."

"Do you mean to tell me he walked through this lobby and left me sleeping here?" She's outraged.

"No, he went straight from his apartment to the garage and to work."

Her eyes narrow, she's searching my face to see if I am telling her the truth. "Taylor, do you expect me to believe that it's," she stops to check her watch, "7:30 in the morning, and he's already at the office?"

"Believe what you like, but he often gets an early start to his day. I would suggest you go home and he'll contact you when he wants to see you." Hopefully never, I leave that unsaid. This doesn't go over very well.

With hands on her hips she informs me what I can do with my suggestion. This gives me the opening I've been waiting for and I tell her some hard truths.

"I'm gonna let you in on a little something. Your relationship with Mr. Grey doesn't have half the heat his relationship had with Mrs. Grey during the same time frame. They were consumed with each other, nothing, and I mean nothing could keep them apart. He deeply loves his wife, is still concerned about her happiness and safety and that of their son, from what I can see you just feed that dark, twisted need in him. Somehow, for some reason, he's let that beast out again. You're little more than a sub with benefits."

"Does Christian know you're talking to me like this…I doubt he would approve."

"I'll take my chances. You're not Mrs. Grey, I hope you never will be. See, my job is to protect Christian, sometimes that means protecting him from himself. I should have chased your ass off months ago. You overestimate your importance to him, that's a mistake I hope you keep making." I pause to let that sink in. "He told you he wanted privacy, you seem to be unwilling to respect that, that won't go over well with him. You don't want to let your desperation show, do you?" A flicker of fear dances across her eyes. Got her. "Again, my suggestion is that you get your shit and go…home." I say leaning into her. "Let him contact you, at least then you can preserve the appearance of self-control."

She reaches down to retrieve her purse and brushes past me. She turns for one last jab but I beat her to it.

"And while you're there…brush your teeth. She is furious, I believe she wants to take a swing at me, but I'm not budging and she finally takes her leave.

Once she exits the building I enter the elevator on my way to collect Mr. Grey for his day at work.

* * *

**Christian**

I'm finding it hard to get motivated this morning. My mind is still congested with all the brutal words hurled at me last night.

The intercom buzzes interrupting my thoughts. "Mr. Grey, your father is here." Andrea informs me.

Shit, shit, shit. No more, goddamn it. _Can't deal with the repercussions? _FUCK! I silently yell in my head.

"Send him in."

"Good morning, Christian."

"No, actually it's not." I close my eyes, while pinching the bridge of my nose.

He cocks his head to the side. "Yeah, I don't imagine it is."

I sigh, "Dad, I have a ton of work to get through before a very important meeting at noon. Why did you stop by?"

"Divorce attorney?" He pins me with his gaze.

"No, who said anything about a divorce? I haven't, has Ana? This might be perverse but I'm going to take my time on this. For once I'm going to think things through. Despite what you think I'm not choosing Paige over Ana. Admittedly I have been a self-indulgent pig. Paige was just there to stroke my ego, at first. It felt good to have some ones total attention again. It fed something in me, something I didn't even know that I was missing. I expected this…thing…with Paige to run its course and be done. I wasn't ready for Ana to find out, Shit. I never thought she would. But Ana knows now, and I can't express to you how bad I feel for causing her to hurt like this. Let's face it though, if there hadn't been something missing in my marriage I would never have seen Paige, she may have been in the room, but she would have never gotten a second glance.

"Well Christian it goes something like, …'and forsaking all others'… that doesn't mean that you'd never find another woman attractive or alluring, but your promise to another, mandates you walk away, leave temptation alone. You're a businessman, let's talk in terms you understand; marriage is a contract, you are in breach of contract. What do you do when a company breaches one of your contracts? Hmmm? I almost feel like I need to sit you down and give you the talk about the birds & the bees, but the birds & bees of how to treat others."

What the fuck is he talking about? I have to suppress a chuckle. What I could teach him about the birds & bees would make his dick stiff for a month, but that's not what he means and I know it, I'm being deliberately obtuse. He suddenly chances direction.

"Your mother wants to know what you plan on doing about Coping Together. You know Ana is getting an award this year, it's her night, and your mother doesn't want it spoiled."

Shit, that stings. He changes direction once again. Is this some lawyer stunt to keep me off balance?

'You still seem to think you have a choice. Ana just may take the choice from you. I haven't spoken with her yet, but, so that you know I plan to. If I were her attorney I would tell her to take you to the cleaners, break you into pieces. Clean. Your. Clock. Christian this is the very reason I told you to get a pre-nup."

"Dad don't start with that shit again. Ana can have whatever she wants. I mean that. The house is already hers, always was. The house on the sound is in Ana's name solely. It was my present to her. There's no fight there. If it comes to a divorce, which I hope it doesn't, she can have any…any amount of money she wants, spousal support, child support, Grey Publishing, a percentage of GEH, stocks, properties, whatever….the only thing I will fight is the divorce itself. We just need to take a step back, let things settle down, and think when cooler heads prevail.

"Cooler heads? He actually begins to laugh. "Christian, son, you are a babe lost in the wood. He's still chuckling. What the fuck does that mean?

Andrea's interrupts through the intercom. "Mr. Grey, I have Ros on line one."

"Tell her I'll call right back. My dad is just leaving." I hope he takes my not so subtle cue. He rises. Thank God.

"Christian, I want to know more about…Paige, we're not through with this conversation, and I want you to keep this in mind,…a woman that will cheat with you, will cheat on you." He thankfully takes his leave after dropping that little pearl of wisdom.

* * *

**Flynn**

Christian enters my office. I see none of his usual vigor, he looks…shaken, defeated.

"Christian?" He takes his usual seat and immediately curls in on himself. His arms lay limply in his lap, his shoulders hunched, and his head hangs to his chest. What the hell has happened?

"Christian? I say softly, "can you tell me what's happened?"

"That's why I'm here, just give me a minute." I busy myself with gathering my writing pad and pen. Marian buzzes in to inform me lunch has arrived.

"Wonderful, can you bring it in please." Marian brings in our sandwiches and bustles around setting up the table. Christian hasn't moved or uttered and sound.

"Let's eat while we talk." I gesture toward my conference table where Marian has set up our lunch. His lumbering form rises with what appears to be great difficulty, and lopes toward the table. I grab two waters from my mini fridge as we both sit and begin to unwrap our gourmet deli sandwiches.

"I was going to have ham and cheese with a pickle, but since you were buying…." I hunch my shoulders and give him a silly, sheepish grin. I'm trying to bring him around with our usual banter, it's not working.

"I've been having an affair. Ana found out Wednesday evening, my family last night." It comes out in a rush of words. I am stilled by this revelation, sandwich stopped midway to my mouth. I place it back on the parchment wrapping. Boy, am I glad I'm recording, I could never keep up with pen to pad alone. Holy hell.

"Needless to say everyone is furious and disappointed with me, including myself."

My first question is 'is it a sub', but I hold that question. "How did Ana find out?"

He shakes his head, anger and bluster inflate him again. "A dumbass clerk at Nieman's sent the new clothes I purchased for Paige to Grey Meadow instead of Escala per my instructions."

"Paige?" I raise my eyebrows.

He nods, "her name is Paige Dennison."

I nod once, curtly.

"How did you meet Paige Dennison?"

His body language screams he doesn't want to talk about this. Slumped back in his seat, arms crossed against his chest, sandwich abandoned. He waits a beat.

"She works at the Georgian as a hostess, GEH held a reception there in February for a French engineering group we recently acquired."

I take a bite of my sandwich waiting for him to continue, it appears he has no intention. I wipe my mouth. "Continue."

"Look John, all that shit's not important." He's impatient now. "I wanted my warm, loving, funny wife and she just wasn't to be found. I started feeling like we were just going through the motions. John I was petrified. For months I was constantly worried. I tried initiating some things, mostly sexual, but some romantic. I had to go to France on a business trip, I thought it could also be a nice romantic get-a-way for us, a chance to reconnect, rekindle the spark. I was met with a recitation of all her responsibilities, engagements, or obligations to other people. That got old, fast. The constant worry, turned to agitation, and that turned to anger." His hands are gripping his hair. "I never let this thought fully form, but, my…fear was that, she saw through me. I always knew she could never really love me and that she finally woke up, didn't love me anymore, didn't want me and all my bullshit. My need for control, my overbearing tendencies, my temper, my darker… needs, my baggage and all the other burdens that come along with being with me, were always going to drive her away."

"Why are just now coming to see me about this?" Frustration colors my question.

He shrugs a shoulder, "I didn't want to hear a lot of psychological mumbo jumbo."

"You wanted to have the experience." I catch him off guard.

"No." He says too quickly. "No, I didn't deliberately set out to cheat on my wife. The chemistry with Paige was just so strong. That first night at the Georgian we flirted from across the room, John. Every time our eyes met it was like…like the fucking 4th of July. The sparks were flying. We were fucking each other with our eyes." He shakes his head ruefully. "I just let it go too far. This is on me, I'm the one who made vows and broke them."

"Are you telling me you chased this woman?"

"No, no, in fact, she attempted to make a connection that same night, by handing me a business card, but I rejected it and left with my wife. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about her again, but I didn't reach out to her. It wasn't until a couple of days later that she made and appointment and came to my office under the guise of returning what she thought was a lost, ugly little bracelet. She made it abundantly clear that she was interested, and clearly she knew I was married." He stops and lets out a long sigh. "She thought the ugly little bracelet could have been Ana's. I let myself engage in the game, the fantasy, because it felt so fucking good. I knew I was extending the contact, sending her some flowers and a note, I knew she would reach back out to me, and the rest is…" He trails off unable to voice the obvious. "Even with the guilt and shame I felt and still feel, I've been unable to resist when the pull overtakes me."

"I see," I place my elbow on the table and interlace my fingers, trying to purchase some patience. "I usually try and let you come to realization on your own, but there is no time for that; you are like a small child with a firearm. Dangerous. "You are a bit of a drama junkie. You need the zing, the thrill, the pop of drama to inform you that your emotions are there, that your love is alive. But no marriage can live on that high wire forever. And both you and Anastasia came prepackaged with emotional deficiencies, your self-abhorrence, her low self-esteem." I take a breath.

"I don't know if I'm the best person to help you right now. I'll get you the number of another therapist who can work through this with you."

"John, no, I don't want another therapist, another therapist is not going to know my history and will take entirely too long to build the trust needed to really open up. I want to continue with you."

"I'm not a marriage counselor, and I want…."

"But you're my counselor," He interrupts.

"I don't know if I can be…professional with you on this matter. At this moment I am incredibly angry with you. I want to box your ears, and slap some sense into you."

"Join the club," he murmurs.

I stare at him waiting for him to continue.

"John, the beast is back. Paige takes a beating like few others I have met. She claims she knew about BDSM before we met, but never practiced it. I wonder, cause she's taken to it like a duck to water, and if I let her go, and I don't know if I can. Can I cage the beast again?"

"Did you feel like you were fighting it your entire marriage?" I ask.

"No, I thought I had conquered that darkness, for the most part, but once I felt Ana's love was gone from me, my very worst fear realized, I was despondent and out of control. And…" He trails off shaking his head.

"I'm going to have to do some research, but I would like to start meeting twice a week. I want to see you this Monday, and we'll start working. There's a lot more to cover, but, I want you to seriously consider some things before we meet again." He literally just sits and blinks at me. "What do trust and loyalty mean to you? Our time is up for today."

* * *

**Christian**

On the way back to GEH I instruct Taylor to stop by Grey Publishing. I want to speak with Ana about letting me spend some time with Teddy the next afternoon.

I walk in to the usual buzz and stares. Walking deliberately to Ana's office I go to knock, but Hannah steps behind me and says that Ana isn't in today. Now that has me alarmed. Ana never misses work.

"Did she say why she wasn't coming in?"

"No, just that it was personal." She gives me the strangest look.

"I'm here to retrieve her cell phone, she left it on her desk last night." I walk in and grab the phone from where she left it. Then decide to call her from here, if I ring her from my office or cell she may ignore the call, she'll definitely answer a Grey Publishing call. I dial Elliot's number first. Luck is on my side, Ana answers.

"Hannah?"

"No, it's me."

"Christian!" It's a harsh, surprised, whisper. "Are you in my office?"

"I came by to speak with you, but Hannah informed me you were not in today. I won't ask if you're okay." I am greeted with silence.

"I just wanted to know if I could get Teddy tomorrow afternoon for a couple of hours. I haven't seen him since Wednesday, I miss him…you too." More silence.

"I don't know Christian…I don't want my son around your….friend." Long silence. "If you will promise me that you won't have her near my son, then yes, you can have him for the afternoon. He misses you too."

"Our son," I interject, "and that won't be an issue Ana. I want to spend some Daddy & Teddy time, just me and him." I shouldn't press my luck so I don't. I take her silence as agreement. "Great, I'll pick him up around 3:00, dress him for the park, and I'll have him back before bath and bedtime, sound good?"

"That works." She's hangs up before I can say 'have a goodnight'.

I head back to GEH lifted by my meeting and my phone call. One more hurdle and I can truly call today productive.

************************************************* ATf ****************************************** ************************************************** *********************************************

_**Thanks to fungirlygirl for editing, and those great conversations, your help in invaluable.**_

_**Thanks to FiftyShadesOfJess your comments helped to bring my thoughts into focus.**_

_**Thanks to all of the reviewers, and I do mean all, you give me lots to think about.**_

_**I do not own these characters, they are the domain of E. L. James.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_**A/N: I apologize for being late posting this chapter, real life reared its head several weeks ago. Would you all keep the Franklin family in your thoughts? They lost their home due to predatory lending practices, loss of income, and apathetic city officials. It is truly one of the saddest situations I've ever witnessed.**_

_**To the guest reviewer Robin Scott: Thank you for the heads-up, but I don't think Paige resembles Alice from Fifty Shades Older at all, with exception that they became aware of Christian in a restaurant. I believe Alice was a server, and Paige is a hostess. Rest assured that I did not get my idea for Paige from that story, though I did read it and loved it. I took that bit of Paige straight from my own life. I met my husband when I worked in an upscale restaurant, in Philadelphia, as a hostess.**_

_**Recap and narration: Christian has been rocked by the reaction to his revelation. He is in the midst of much needed introspection and self examination. Ana is struggling with her feelings and the best way to move forward. **_

Friday morning after the fall

**Ana**

I believe it would take a team of horses to pry me from this bed; a team of horses or one copper mop headed cutie. One thought of Teddy and my heartbreak starts anew. _Christian you have no idea what you've done, you selfish bastard._ And here it comes again, that searing pain, the hurt that threatens to crack me in half. No, half would be good, half can be put back together, but the million little shards, those jagged little pieces have no hope in hell of repair. And that's exactly how I feel, like I've been shattered into a million tiny shards of glass.

My husband is in love with another woman. How do I begin to recover from that? The torrent of tears take over again. I press my face into my pillow and howl, I mean really let it go, purge it from my system, hopefully forever. After a soul shaking cry I sit up in the bed, the copper mop winning. Alright then, I have a son to look out for, no more wallowing in self pity, get up and get on with it.

I glance at the alarm clock and it reads 6:18 am; I do a double take, well, isn't that the height of irony? How long will mundane little things conspire to remind me of him, I wonder bitterly? I know the words 'vanilla' and 'playroom' will never have the same meaning, and will always lead to thoughts of him. Now comes the anger. In the last two days, I have vacillated between an unholy trinity of anguish, anger, and undiluted fear; I like the anger better than the anguish and the fear. I need to call Flynn, see if he can refer me to a good counselor.

I finally haul myself from the bed and search for my cell phone to call Gail and the office. After digging furiously through my purse it dawns on me that my phone is sitting on my desk in my office. Damn it all to hell! One more thing I have to do today, get a new cell phone. Padding to the next room, I check on Teddy and Ava, as I am backing out away from the door I bump into Kate.

"Still sleeping?" She whispers.

I hold my finger to my lips in a, 'shh' gesture, and nod my head rapidly.

We duck into her bedroom. "I'm not going to the office today; do you want to jump in the shower while I listen out for the kids?" I ask.

"Okay sure," She eyes me before asking, "Why aren't you going in today?"

"I just want to spend the day with Teddy," I am a horrible liar, but I don't want Kate to know I am afraid of dissolving into a blubbering mess in front of my colleagues. That I am having wild emotional mood swings; one minute crushing sadness, the next murderous rage, and finally irrational fear that makes me want to hide in a closet. I can't look her in the eye, "Bedsides, I have the meeting with the family law attorney at 3."

"Wow that was fast."

"Well, the name Grey has that effect." I murmur sarcastically. "Scoot," I shoo her toward the en suite. "Go get your shower, I have to call Gail and Grey Publishing, I'll get the coffee started."

While starting the coffee pot and putting the kettle on for tea, I dial Gail's number and explain that she doesn't need to hurry over this morning as I'm not going to work, but I do have an appointment and if she could come over about 2pm that would be helpful. I leave a message on Hannah's extension that I won't be in today and if there is an emergency she can reach me at Kate's number. I head back upstairs to see if the little people are up yet.

Once everyone has been watered and fed, I ramp up for a morning of toddler mayhem with my son and niece. Kate breezes in around noon and we feed our progeny. Getting Ava and Ted down for a nap was like watching an episode of Super Nanny. The inmates are running the asylum. With the two terrors finally subdued and napping Kate and I settle on the patio for our own lunch and talk time.

"Ana, I don't understand; how can you not want to know?" She is looking at me like I've grown another head. "If it were me, he'd still be answering questions."

"Yes, I'm sure. We have all, at one point or another, been treated to the Kavanaugh Inquistion." I roll my eyes. I'm beginning to think talking to Kate about this was a bad idea.

"Look Kate, think whatever you like," I sigh in frustration, "but I don't want all the dirty details yet. I don't want the name of that bitch ringing in my head. I have no desire to watch him speak her name from his lips."

"But…"

"How bout for once you be supportive?" I cut her off. "How bout for once you don't badger and bully me? Don't you think I've been through e-fucking-nough, huh Kate?" I'm shouting, on the verge of full meltdown, again. "Goddamn, do I have a 'kick-me' sign on my back?"

"Oh God, I'm sorry Ana. Shit, you're right," she at least has the decency to look contrite. "I just can't stand to see you hurt. I'm sorry, I got carried away."

"Can we just drop it?" I ask quietly. I am so tired of all this shit. I look over at Kate and she's got a shit-eating grin on her face and a mischievous glint in her eye.

"What?" I ask warily, with an eyebrow cocked. What the hell is she up to now?

"Me and El discussed it this morning, we're going to have a BBQ tomorrow." Oh god, no. My discomfort must be written across my face, because she is now whining. "Come on Steeeeele, it'll be fun, just the distraction you need right now," Kate begging and whining, what a novelty.

"You think Gail will help us prep?" She continues.

"I'll only ask her if you intend to invite her and Jason."

"Consider them invited." Good grief, she's cheesin' so hard I can see all 32 of her orthodontically-enhanced teeth.

I shake my head as I move toward the back door, "I have to go get ready for my appointment. Do you mind keeping an eye on Teddy, Gail should be here before he wakes."

She flaps here hand, waving me into the house.

As I am walking through the kitchen the phone rings. _Grey Publishing… _

"Hannah?" I ask a little alarmed.

The voice on the other end sends my heart racing. "Christian!...Are you in my office?" Of all the nerve, sneaky bastard knew I'd pick up a call from my office.

I listen to his reason for being in my office, and I still don't like it, arrogant, self-important sneaky bastard. But when he mentions wanting to see Teddy tomorrow afternoon I bristle.

"I don't know Christian…I don't want my son around your…friend." We're both silent for so long, I'm guessing I've thrown a wrench into his plans to play happy instant family with my son and his girlfriend. "If you will promise me that you won't have her near my son, then yes, you can have him for the afternoon. He misses you too." He's agrees to my stipulation, stating that he just wants some Daddy/Teddy time. If that true it works for me, and I say so.

"That works." I disconnect before he can say another word. I find talking to him unsettling to say the least.

**-ooOoo-**

The Law of Offices Schuler, Newson, & Pratt are massive and a little intimidating. A pretty African American receptionist shows me to a conference room, and asks if she can get me a drink.

"Yeah, vodka, straight," I deadpan.

The look on her face is priceless. Her brow shoots to the sky, but a smile slowly spreads her lips, and she knows I am joking. _Am I?_

I join her in the smile and say, "Tea would be great, thanks."

In no time she's back with my tea. "Here you are Mrs. Grey, tea with a shot of vodka." She says with a wink. My jaw pops open. She smiles again shaking her head. "But don't sell me short, I'm sure I could have found you some if you really wanted it."

"Thank you,….uhm…" I reach for my tea. "I'm sorry, what's your name."

"Gina."

"Thank you Gina," I say trying to convey my appreciation; her easy way, and light banter have helped to take the edge off my nerves.

"You're welcome; here is a packet of information that Atty. Mason has all her clients fill out on their first visit. Feel free to look through it and Atty. Mason and her paralegal will answer any questions you have. They'll be in shortly. As she lays the packet of papers on the table, she also gives my left shoulder a little squeeze, and bids me a good day.

Two hours later I leave the law office more confused than when I arrived. I've just shared more personal information with two strangers than I have with my own doctor, of a different nature of course, but nonetheless very personal and private.

I feel skittish, open, and vulnerable, as if my private shame is on display for public perusal. I want anonymity. The idea of running the only thing that brings me comfort; my home town, my dad, sometime away from this circus. I head off to Kate and Elliot's with a plan and a genuine smile on my face.

* * *

**Christian**

Stepping out of the elevator I know instantly something is wrong. Ros is standing at the reception desk her expression pinched and she's speaking in a rapid fire cadence. Andrea, Olivia, Ros' PA Britta, and the summer intern, whose name I haven't bothered to learn, are all in state of panic.

"Mr. Grey!" Andrea all but shouts while covering the phone's receiver, and alerting Ros to my arrival.

"No, get me all up-to-date data." Ros barks into her phone. "Look fuckhead, I need you to pull your head out of your ass and do your job. I want that report in two hours!" She taps her phone to end the call.

It's not until I've shut my office door that Ros starts giving me the details.

"There's been an accident in the Monterrey, Mexico plant. Christian, it's bad."

"Skip the foreplay Ros, just give it to me." I growl.

"A Mr. Jorge Vargas was electrocuted while inspecting some machinery. I don't have all the details yet, you heard me on the phone just now with the plant manager."

"Fuck! I don't need this shit right now." I hit the intercom.

"Mr. Grey," comes Andrea's disembodied voice, and I start barking orders.

"Get Jenson from Public Relations up here, now." I turn back to Ros. "Two hours is unacceptable. There's absolutely no reason he can't have the last 5 years safety reports faxed here within the next hour. Call him back. Is this the plant the failed the JCIS certification last year?"

"Yes, you know one of us is going to have to go down there and handle this personally, right."

Both hands plow through my hair. "Ros, I'm dealing with a family crisis at the moment and there's no way I can leave the country right now. You're going to have to handle it. I'm delegating this to you." She doesn't look happy, but so the fuck what. That's why I have her.

"What I haven't told you, is that this has the potential to become an international incident, there was nearly a riot right after he was pronounced dead. He was evidently very popular, and the media is already sniffing around for a story."

"Then that's what you should have led with…shit. When Jenson gets here, and where the fuck is he by the way, get a press release hammered out, assemble a team and get your asses to Mexico. I want to be updated hourly. Contact Mr. Vargas' widow and give her our condolences. You know how I do things Ros, get it done." I dismiss her.

"Andrea," I bellow. "Call and make reservations for two at SkyCity Restaurant, 8 o'clock. See if Dr. Flynn can take a call from me sometime this afternoon, that's all.

Sinking back into my desk chair, I rub tight circles where my upper and lower jaw meet. Whatever that muscle is it's tense as hell, probably from me continually clenching my teeth. I'm going to have a fucking stoke before I turn 35. My attention drifts back to my fucked up personal life.

I need to text Paige. _Shit, there it is, that spark; the thought of seeing her tonight has me zinging with excitement. _

_***Meet me at Escala at 7:30, I made reservations for dinner.* CG**_

_***I'll be there, I can hardly wait. Is this a formal affair?* PD**_

_***Just be tasteful, we're going to dinner, not clubbing.* CG**_

_***Aye, aye, captain. ;)* PD**_

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur. We are crisis management, and damage control mode. It seems this Mexico thing is going to be a disaster, and I will more than likely have to put some face time in to handle the situation properly. With Ros and her team preparing to head to Mexico, the situation is as stable as it can be right now. Flynn can't speak with me, seems he has another patient more fucked up than me. _Is that's possible?_ I feel marginally comfortable heading off to my dinner with Paige.

"Sir."

"Taylor."

"Sawyer just filed his daily log and seems Mrs. Grey met with an attorney this afternoon."

"Given your recent…disposition, I'm surprised you're divulging this information."

"I'm hoping it helps you pull your head out of your ass…Sir."

I look up into the rearview mirror and catch his eye; and raise an eyebrow, "Be careful Taylor, I still sign your paycheck."

Ana is not wasting anytime. I find this new development more than a little disturbing. I can't help but wonder if this was just the push she needed to end our marriage, she's awfully eager to wrap it up. _You told her you were in love with your mistress, you asshole. All the blame for this falls right at your feet, Big Man._

We make it to Escala just as Paige is pulling into the garage. Before exiting the SUV, I remind Taylor that I have Teddy for a couple hours tomorrow, and that I'll drive myself for the rest of the evening. I expect to get some push back from him, but oddly enough he just gives me a terse 'Sir'. Lately he makes no secret of his dislike of Paige or our relationship. I shake it off and hop out walking toward my R8.

I watch as she exits her car, a brand new Audi, Ana was right; I'm not very original. She's making a show of this, undoubtedly she knows I'm watching.

First out are two shapely slender legs, feet clad in 4' bronze toned strappy sandals. She leans back to retrieve something left in the passenger seat, as she does she stretches her left leg straight, pointing her toes, making her leg look a mile long. Shit, that is sexy as hell. I reach down and adjust myself. Her dress is conservative but very sexy all the same, with a hint of cleavage where the straps cross just above her breast, pushing them together enticingly. Her stride toward me is deliberate, the sway of her hips a metronome, she drags her eyes from mine only to point her key fob at her care to lock it, her thick chestnut mane swinging freely over her shoulder as she flicks it absently. Returning her gaze to me, she's beaming. In this moment there is no denying what a beautiful and alluring woman she is. I step around the back of my car to open the passenger side door, and give myself some space. But she's having none of it and stalks me until she's right before me. Bold and playful.

"Hey," She breathes against my lips, before placing a feather light kiss on the corner of my mouth.

"Mmmm" I hum back and begin to deepen the kiss; I catch myself and pull back sharply. "Come, we don't want to be late for our reservation." I notice the fleeting furrow of her brow just as she replaces it with a more amiable expression.

"Where are we going?" Her question tinged with something a little more than excitement.

"SkyCity, have you heard of it?" I fasten my seatbelt.

"Have I heard of it, are you kidding me?" Her excitement is contagious; I can't help the grin that splits my face.

"Have you been?" I chance a side long glance as I back out of my space.

"No, that place is upper-crust, highfalutin', that's the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle, right?"

I nod my head and remind her to buckle her seatbelt. The remainder of the ride is in discussion of other touristy attractions and things to do while visiting Seattle. Her childlike enthusiasm is in direct contradiction to her regular persona. We hit a bit of tension when she mentions being excited about the Coping Together Gala coming up next week.

"I overheard some society matrons discussing your mother's event," She twists in her seat to look directly at me. "I must admit I am excited about it, you know our first public event together."

My hands tighten around the steering wheel, in fact, my whole body tenses. What the hell could she possibly be thinking?

"Paige, how can you think we're going to that event together….as a couple?" I'm not looking at her but I know her face has taken on a different expression. "I don't know if I'm going, but I know YOU definitely aren't." She opens her mouth to protest, but I cut her off. "Given my families reaction to our…involvement, I'm not sure how welcome I'll be, this is a big night for Anastasia, and my mother has already voiced her concern for it not being ruined. Not to mention _I_ don't want to see it marred for her." My dad's words are echoing in my head, 'grasping, schemer'.

"I just thought that since we are, in fact, going to be seen together tonight, and that she now knows about our relationship, and has taken Teddy and left, that yes, we would take the next step." She turns in her seat to stare out the window.

"Despite our actions to the contrary Paige, I am a married man," but for how long I ponder, Taylor's report of Ana's afternoon appointment turning through my mind.

Blessedly, the valet sidles up to the driver's side door waiting for the keys, effectively ending that most irritating conversation. We are the only ones in the elevator and I take the opportunity to gently reiterate the need for discretion, no PDA's. Her attitude is still in place, but I get no push back, just sad eyes and a tight little nod, all of which quickly dissipates when she gets a view of the lights of Seattle twinkling below us.

"This is spectacular," her awe evident in her voice.

The hostess shows us to our table. The topic I plan cover calls for privacy, therefore, I've reserved the tables around us. At this time of day the lighting and ambiance in the restaurant is nothing short of magical. As the slow spin transforms from the glittering lights of Seattle to the sun setting over the sound. I order a nice chardonnay. I have the grilled gulf prawns and say a silent prayer that she does not order the shigoku oysters, I've had those here with Ana. It's a singular memory that I don't want tainted. Luckily Paige decides on the hearts of romaine to start. Conversation settles into a replay of our respective day. I tell her about the death of the worker in Mexico, adding that I will more than likely have to make a trip to smooth things out. She is suitably shocked and asks me questions about what the backlash will be. Just before our starters arrive the waiter takes our dinner order. Wine and appetizers delivered and savored; I hesitantly introduce the topic I really want to discuss.

"Paige," I call to pull her attention from the dramatic colors of the beautifully setting sun. Her head turns languidly, pinning me with her hazel eyes. Sitting back in my chair, I fix my features to appear somewhat softer than my usual CEO impassive mask. I'm unsure how she'll accept this but it's what I need to do.

"We won't see each other for the rest of the weekend." I have her full attention and that dreamy eyed love-struck look has morphed in to panic.

"This dinner is certainly not developing the way I envisioned." She says reaching for her wine. After taking a healthy sip she asks, "Why?" with a little shake of her head.

"I have a lot I have to sift through, a lot I need to consider, and figure out." Our meals arrive, I wave the waiter away and we both sit there staring at the plates.

"Christian, I don't think I can eat this right now."

"Why?"

"Because you are making me nervous, I don't like the turn this evening has taken." She tells me candidly.

There's nothing I can do to comfort her, no words, or gestures; if I'm honest with myself I've planned it this way. It's why I decided against dining at Escala, so I could hide behind the excuse of public discretion.

"Try, you need to eat," I add softly. We eat in relative silence, both of us in our own heads.

"I have a question, one I've had a feeling about for a long time." I say to her as I lay down my utensils.

She gives me her full attention without uttering a word.

"The bracelet….you didn't really find it, did you? Don't lie, I'll know." My timbre is low, slightly menacing. The mood of the evening chilling further.

Her expression doesn't change for the longest time. Then a cocky little grin spreads across her face. "I'm busted." Her head dips slightly, she then regards me through her lashes. "I did find the bracelet, just not where I said. I found it out in the hotel's lobby. But the moment I saw it I knew, it was like a sign, a harbinger of good luck. I immediately knew it was something that could get me in to see you again. I'm sorry for the lie, but I needed to see if what I was feeling could go any farther. You were feeling the heat too, I know you were, don't bother denying it."

She's just confirmed what I've known in the back of my mind.

"Has this been just a game for you? You came after me knowing I was married; did you give any thought as to how this would affect my wife and family?

She counters defiantly.

"Did you? When you reached out to me, you too knew you were married, between the two of us only one made vows to Ana, and that was you. So, no, I did not think of how Ana would feel." She stares me directly in the eye. She's very audacious, and direct. That was a trait in her I found refreshing and enticing, but right now it just seems self-centered and callous. _There's that tapping again_

"Christian, haven't you figured out by now, I go after what I want." She shrugs like 'whatever'. "And I make no apologies."

Shit she's me with tits. I now understand that the depravity in her is what was calling to the depravity in me. With Paige I don't have to try and be a better me, I can give free range to my dark impulses.

Something occurs to me in that very moment, and it makes me angry and sick to my stomach. "Did you have anything to do with that delivery to my house? Again, don't lie, because I will find out." I'm sure my eyes are blazing, and before I realize what I am doing I have her arm in a viselike grip. "Tell me, did you have the address changed to force my hand?"

The fear in her eyes belies the calmness in her voice. "No Christian, I didn't."

She is tugging on her arm trying to get me to release her.

"You are hurting me." She hisses. I am searching her face for the truth, not until the waiter clears his throat does the fog of anger begin to dissipate enough for me to see sense.

"Are you done with these?" The waiter asks trying to clear the last of our dinner.

"We're through," I say boring my gaze into Paige. "Bring the check." My eyes snap to the clearly uncomfortable waiter. He scampers away in a hurry to escape my glare.

"Is all of this coming from your family's reaction to our affair, and your sudden realization that Ana is hurt by our…involvement?"

I wait to sign the check before answering her.

"In part, yes, though questions have been lurking in the back of my mind, and are now coming to the fore. " I offer her quietly. "The last 48hrs have been shattering for everyone involved. Things are tumbling too fast, everything is out of control."

"Does this weekend of so-called introspection exile me so you can go play happy family with Ana and Teddy?"

"I don't need to make excuses to you to spend time with my family." Her attitude only services to make me more resolved. "I haven't seen my son in two days, that's unacceptable to me, so I am spending the afternoon with him tomorrow."

I've had enough of this conversation and stand abruptly to let her know it's done.

"Come, I'll take you home."

The ride to her condo is tense to say the least. I park and come around to help her out of the car, and walk her to her door, ever the gentleman.

"Are you coming in?" She gazes up at me.

"No," I shake my head.

"You coming clean to your wife was suppose to set us free, we should be able to be open about the way we feel for each other, but all I feel is you pulling away from me. And it scares the shit out of me." She says stepping closer to me. I place both my hands on her shoulders to stop her advance.

"Go on in, I'll have Sawyer or Ryan bring your car by later." I have nothing else to offer her at the moment. I return to my car and wait until I see the lights of her apartment before I start the engine and head to Escala.

* * *

_**Again and always thanks to fungirlygirl and FiftyShadesOfJess your input gives me the courage to keep going.**_

_**As I wrote to some of you who PM'd me about my progress, not only did real-life drama divert my time and attention, but I had a bout of writer's block. Maybe writer's block is the wrong phrase, writer's reluctance may be a better description. I, Diane, want to rip that bitch's hair out from the roots, so I was having a very difficult time writing 'the date.' As is probably evidenced as there is no real warmth in it. But my God, I just couldn't find it, so I wrote what I felt (he couldn't really love anyone but Ana anyways), that's a big part of why it took me so long to post, I couldn't get it right. Still don't know if I have. I just hope it advances the story and that you enjoy it.**_

_**Thanks to E. who invented these rich, full, and complicated characters that we only play with, I own nothing.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I hate to do this as I know it is against the site rules, but I don't know another way to get out a message to those of you who have supported this story.**

**Don't fear, I have not abandoned nor have I lost interest in this story. My mother had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago. It is her second in as many years, so needless to say, this is serious. I have PM'd some of you that have PM'd me to let you know what is going on. But I cannot get a message to guest readers and if I could PM each of you, I might as well sit down and finish the chapter, which I have no time for. So though this is against the rules, and I know will get some of your hopes up for a continuation of the story (it's coming), I didn't know of another way to get my current status out to you.**

**I am well into chapter 8 and…9 for that matter. But as I have communicated with a few of you right now I am my mother's primary care giver, taxi cab (she really likes Walmart), chef, and all around go-for, and that is as it should be, but doesn't leave much time or energy for writing. Not to mention my own household to run. I will be posting, family has started to rally and I will be getting some much needed relief this weekend. Hold on, it's coming, I am as antsy as you.**

**Thank you kindly for your well wishes and your patience.**

**Diane**

_**story to follow**_


End file.
